This Fargo man is battling a walnut-wielding squirrel—and losing

Bill Fischer, of Fargo, North Dakota, has a squirrel problem. A big one, which he can’t seem to resolve. At least not yet.

Two of Fischer’s recent Facebook posts have garnered media attention, both for the almost absurd determination of a certain red squirrel and Fischer’s good-natured reaction to it.

The squirrel, prepping for winter, has filled the engine compartment of Fischer’s Chevrolet Avalanche with walnuts—each about the size of a small lemon—multiple times. And by filled, we mean filled.

Fischer’s post on September 17 included multiple photos of the squirrel’s work. Fischer wrote, “Conversion Mathematics. How many bushels can one red squirrel pick and store in 4 days? Hint, look at how many 5 gallon buckets in the pictures. Then add the full inner fenders that I don’t have time today to clean out. Guessing another 1½ to 2 buckets there. Curiosity got me; the buckets have an average of 26 lbs in just walnut weight. Let me know your answers and as always show your work.”

Fischer’s friends and relatives did not disappoint. His brother, Jason Fischer, gave his best estimate: “Let’s see … 1 squirrel plus 4 days equals 156 lbs of walnuts. 48lbs in a bushel would be 3.25 bushels of walnuts and 1 dead squirrel.”

Oh, if only it was that easy.

“The tree produces every other year,” Fischer explained. “Over the last 16 years the squirrel is up 8 to 0. I feel totally dominated and defeated!”

Fischer says he has considered eliminating the squirrel, but he feels another one will simply step up and take its place.

Through it all, his sense of humor has not waned. On September 26, he posted more photos, along with this caption: “Hey, come and get your all natural Black Walnuts! 42 gallons available. Naturally grown and now an industry first: all hand (paw) picked by a squirrel, Red Squirrel to be exact. Hurry as these may have a limited availability as l hear the hard-working furry tree dweller might be retiring soon due to health reasons! Also the squirrel is dealing with a caustic work environment due to a relentless micromanaging supervisor of the canine type.”

That canine would be Fischer’s dog, Ashur, who has been going a little … well … nutty over the whole thing.

As Fischer explained to WKRC-TV, the squirrel has been so thorough in its use of space that he had to remove the Chevy’s fenders to clean out the stockpile. And even then, he wasn’t finished. “I thought I had them all and took (the truck) down the road, turned the corner, and found (a walnut) rolling inside the windshield … I have some rolling around the frame rail wells, as well, that I can’t get at.”

Just know that we’re laughing with you, Bill, not at you.