Our Two Cents: Cars we would kill, if we could
Welcome to this week’s episode of Our Two Cents, a series where we ask the staff here at Hagerty Media random questions about automobiles. Our folks spend far too much time every day thinking about cars, so it’s only fair to ask them the following question: What car would you kill and why?
Our answers are just as diverse as our interests, so have a look!
Don’t cross over
I would kill every single egg-shaped “crossover” vehicle simply because they’re hideous (see: Buick Encore). Do I need to expand on this? I feel like everyone should agree with this. They’re ugly as sin and shouldn’t exist. — Ben Woodworth
Toyota Prius, etc.
Any Prius before the latest version, and I’d also nominate the Smart car. Oh, and can I also throw those pedal-powered jitney bus/bicycle bar contraptions onto the fire? They go a whopping 5 mph on Woodward Avenue in Detroit, blocking traffic on a Sunday afternoon with a bunch of suburbanites hootin’ and hollerin’. — Todd Kraemer
Make like a tree and leaf
Nissan Leaf. The first one had such an opportunity to make a splash but was instead the ugliest car of the 21st century. The name is too stained by that mistake and should go away. — Larry Webster
Dropping the droptop
I vote for the last Chrysler Sebring convertible. Once I leaned over to use the lever to move the passenger seat back, and the entire seat bottom came away in my hand. Which is okay in a Boeing 737, but not a psuedo-luxe convertible. — Steven Cole Smith
Flamed out on flame surfacing
In an alternate universe, the 2002–2005 BMW 7 series (E65) woulda ended life as nothing more than a clay model. If so, the Bangle butt and that expensive-to-make (yet dumpy-looking) interior would have never let BMW slide into the convoluted, complex, and borderline offensive BMWs we see today. — Sajeev Mehta
No Eco, no Sport … no thanks!
Ford EcoSport. It’s basically a Ford Fiesta on stilts that costs many thousands more but has the same unpleasant interior. It’s just a hateful little crossover that was as uncompetitive as it was unattractive. It was more ponderous than the tight-handling Fiesta, but the real gut-punch was that the EcoSport arrived right around the time Ford said it would kill all non-SUV cars except the Mustang. — Eric Weiner
You are not us?
I was going to say the Ford EcoSport, but it looks like that one has been spoken for. (Put me down as seconding that motion, however.) So instead, I’ll turn my attention to the Lamborghini Urus. I don’t really care that it’s become the brand’s best-selling vehicle basically overnight. I don’t care that it’s a cash machine. I don’t care that Porsche was the first of those holdout sports-car marques to worship at the SUV altar. Porsche is German, which means logic reigns supreme. Of course there was going to be an SUV.
Lamborghini? It’s Italian. (This is the part where you guys “WELL ACKSHUALLY” me about the VW Group’s ownership and the parts sharing. Save it—I’m on a roll here.)
The whole brand is emotion and sex and things worried parents try to pray away. It’s crass, joyous, spiteful defiance of logic and reservation. The Urus feels like none of that. — Nathan Petroelje
Fry the oil-burner
This is such a fun game of the “butterfly effect” for me: I’ll think of one car that I would love to smite and, just a second later, realize that without that car we wouldn’t have something else. I thought of at least three despicable models that had positive implications in the marketplace. That said, I wish all the 1978–85 GM diesel cars never happened.
Those cars and the stories that spiraled from them put a bad taste in the mouths of so consumers when it came to diesel engines—a bad taste that was largely undeserved. If buyers would have received diesel cars that functioned properly and were actually thought-through, I think history would have changed. For good or bad I don’t know, but it’s hard to argue things wouldn’t have taken a different path. — Kyle Smith
Adios, Tin Lizzie
Channeling my inner Loki, I’d adopt the “agent of chaos” role for this scenario and I’d kill the Ford Model T. It would be interesting to see what the automotive landscape would look like today in its absence. — Stefan Lombard
Kill every icon!
Ooooh … if we’re doing chaos theory, let’s also kill the Tucker (no safety innovations), the Beetle (no VW or Porsche), the Mustang (no pony car wars), and the GTO (no muscle cars). Maybe the Corolla (no foreign cars made in the U.S.)? — Todd Kraemer
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We’ll have that Buick and love it. It may not be classic one day but it’s a great suv!!!!!! That hurts feelings.
Absolutely kill off ALL SUVs. They are a blight on American roads as far as I am concerned. Also kill off the highly distracting “infotainment” systems. I don’t want to drive a computer, and I don’t want one embedded in my dashboard.
Let me add any car with the 6 cyl Mopar Sludge motor from the early 2000s.
I would love to have a “modern” 65-66 Mustang: Coyote V8, safety features, air bags and 3-point seat belts, 6 speed manual, low emissions, etc. But I am quite happy with my retro 2011 Mustang. Ford stylists did a great job with the 2005-2012.
How could the Pontiac Aztec not make the list. And the person that nominated the Model T should be fired.
The Pontiac Aztek is still #1 on my list of the ugliest things on wheels. But that’s my opinion. There’s no accounting for taste, right? My problem is with modern cars in general, for a number of reasons, not the least of which is that they are just plain ugly.
My daily driver is a 2010 Toyota Matrix, and the only reason I have that car is because you don’t say no to a free car. My parents gave it to me because my 2002 Jetta TDI was nearing the end of its useful life after nineteen eastern Ontario winters and 385,000 miles, and because they didn’t need two cars anymore, and they didn’t need the money. That it was given to me is also the only reason I own a Japanese car. I don’t have anything against Japanese cars specifically; I just don’t share the love affair everyone else seems to have with them.
When it comes time to replace my Matrix, I’ll be looking for a mid-size or full-size, rear-wheel-drive Ford or GM from the late ’70s to the mid-’80s. No more modern cars for me. No back-up camera, no infotainment system, no power anything except steering and brakes. Gimme a stick-a-key-in-a-hole-to-unlock, and crank-the-windows family sedan with a straight six under the hood, and that’ll be my three-season daily driver. I can drive my wife’s piece-of-crap 2015 Nissan Micra in the winter.
Did anybody mention the Aztek? Always looked like a small version of a trash truck to me with the back hatch. And the Nissan leaf is a respectable EV with a price that a lot of people could afford, unlike most EVs now that are way too pricey for most lower income small families. And the styling is just as presentable as any crap from Europe.
Cadillac SRX. My then 77 year old mom bought a 2011. Growing up Cadillac was like riding on a cloud-smooth, quiet, sitting on a pillow. This thing is rough, noisy and hard. You feel every bump in the road. Awful, awful car!
The other one that needs to go away right now is the electric Mustang! Just butt-ugly. What was Ford thinking?
There is very little to agree with in this article. No mention of the Aztec? Next to an Aztec the hideous Leaf looks good. (well not good) No mention of the monstrosity Avalanche and the whole SUV-P/U truck routine?
Come on Todd. Did you get hit in the head on the way to work today?
where to start? let’s see – I still think the Aztec killed Pontiac. the Nissan ‘joke’ talk about fugly. Any and all ‘hybrid cars’ starting with wear a bag over your head Prius.