7 jokes just for car people
Just because we take cars seriously doesn’t mean we can’t laugh at ourselves. Jokes are a type of secret handshake, after all, based in common understanding and shared experience. If you tell a joke and the other person in the conversation does not get it, that reaction tells you just as much as if they laughed out loud. So let’s take a moment to call out a few of the “greatest hits” in the library of automotive jokes.
The 10mm socket
Where is that socket? How did it get there? How will I work without it? The answers to these questions are among the great mysteries of the automotive universe. If your favorite vintage cars are domestic, swap out 10mm for 1/2- or 7/16-inch, either wrench or socket.
Modern cars are riddled with 10mm fasteners, and the tool you use most frequently is likely to disappear first. The prevalance of 10mm bolts and nuts becomes a blessing and a curse: grabbing tools when starting a job or packing a road trip tool kit is quite simple, but one lost tool can cripple your night.
The ol’ 710
Engineers work tirelessly to balance form with the function we consumers expect in a car. Unfortunately, that balancing act is usually constrained by the “good, cheap, fast” triangle: You can only pick two.
The third part of the regular-car triangle is serviceability. Even experienced mechanics need a minute to get their bearings when looking around under an unfamiliar hood. A newbie? Before you know it, someone’s posting on r/cars: “I need to fill my oil but can only find the 710 cap.”
You know, 710 = OIL upside down. It’s all perspective.
“Ran when parked”
We all do a lot of digital (or real-life) window shopping, and we’ve all seen sellers who hide behind the phrase “ran when parked.” The circular nature of the phrase—you can’t park something that is not drivable—is humorous by itself, of course, and it is often found in the text of an ad selling the most decrepit hulk you’ve ever seen.
Sure, that vehicle might have run when you parked it … during the Reagan administration. Leaving a car parked is one of the worst things you can do if you want to maintain any value or function. Rot never sleeps, and neither do the vermin who make nests in intake manifolds.
Winterizing swaps
The cruelness of Mother Nature knows no bounds. Much ink has been spilled over how to properly store a car in harsh seasons—be it the summer months for those in the desert regions or the winter months for those in the rust belt—but best of all are the humorous twists on that advice. Example A:
“I know what I’ve got”
Usually combined with a ludicrous asking price, the five-word phrase has become synonymous with an overconfident seller. In the same vein as the worst examples of a “ran when parked” seller, such a person is usually hoping the buyer does little or no independent research. Occasionally, a seller who knows what they’ve got is asking a reasonable price, more often, this phrase paints the seller in a negative light: Potential buyers expect that even good faith negotiations or discussion will be met gruffly, at best.
“It’s only a 15-minute job”
The lies we tell ourselves may stay secret, but this one got out, and we all collectively cringed—then laughed. There might be a real job that takes 15 minutes, but such projects are relatively rare. Often, jobs take longer than expected because the car has lived multiple lives: Broken hardware, corrosion, and questionable discoveries all complicate our estimated project timelines. Maybe our clocks just work differently when we are wrenching, and we think an hour was just 15 minutes? Who knows. It’s just another form of creative accounting.
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It’s time to replace your muffler bearings.
Gotta love the muffler bearing replacement. Saw a meme that showed a muffler casing opened up with tapered wheel bearings inside and a person pulling them out with large needle nose pliers.
Muffler bearing jokes stopped being funny when turbos became standard equipment!
Conditional phrases are so subjective ! “MINT” means so many different things to so many different people ! Along with so many others…….
When a CEL is on, the ad always says “probably just an O2 sensor”.
A good friend was always the brunt of car jokes. During an oil and filter change, we advised the mechanic to tell the customer that his muffler bearings were in need of replacement. He bought it and asked if this was an expensive repair.
I love these comments. The one that really hits home is about the 10mm socket. I am confident that when the day comes that the kids need to clean out the garage and basement work bench it will be a mystery to them why this old man needed dozens of 1/4 in drive 10 mm sockets. I know they are around some place, however, right now I couldn’t tell you where.
And I thought it was just me …
“If you let me borrow that tool I’ll bring it back tomorrow”…
Yeah, right…..
Many years ago,I worked at a filling station and garage. One of our elderly customers called to say her “engine was missing.” The station owner told her to bring it by so he could look at it. Turns out we had to pick up the car with the wrecker. Thieves had pulled the engine and trans out of the car right in front of her house! But, she was right, the engine was indeed missing!
Same story sort of – some ‘acquaintances’ were working on a shop dragster one night and needed a new radiator. The next day the shop got a call from a lady saying her car was steaming and overheating. Yep, her radiator had been not so surgically removed. No one ever fessed up but the shop dragster did have a new albeit slightly used radiator.
Now, that is funny!!! The thieves must have worked quickly…no neighbor thought it was strange someone was taking so long working on her car? ! Must have lived in a rough neighborhood….
I once read an ad for a VW Karmann Ghia which read something like this. “All of the parts are there and the
painting has been completed. In a couple of weekends you can have a restored Ghia!” Anyone who has reassembled a vintage vehicle knows that this is impossible.
I know what I got reminds me of a 1984 Delta 88 2 door with 50,000 miles on it that a guy locally has been trying to sell for a year now for $ 28,000.00. The ad says immaculate, and rust free, I have happened to by coincidence drive by this car 3 different times, looks like it’s always just sitting outside in the guys driveway, somehow immaculate doesn’t come to mind and just because it’s a 1984 doesn’t mean it’s desirable either. I would say it’s a little over priced, do you think! LOL.
Mine has 100,000 on it and needs a little bit of everything but i’ll let it go for 14! LOL
What about, “That will buff right out.” Usually shared right after someone does serious damage to their classic. No reason that pain can’t be funny.
When I went to tech school, some of the guys sent a poor newbie to the school’s parts counter for blinker fluid. The two well intending retired ladies that ran the counter, spent half an hour looking for some, then called one of the parts places downtown to get some delivered.
We ALL got a good lecture the next day.
When I first started part time at the parts store, had a fellow come in, ask for a 6 volt battery for a 50’s car, the computer catalog only went back to 65, so I went in back, brought up the one we had, asked if it would work. Guy said yes, but couldn’t stop laughing. After running the ticket, I asked what was so funny? He said ” I went to the parts store across the street, asked the same thing I asked you, they brought up a lantern battery!”
Google “HMMWV Class 3 Blinker Fluid Leak” for a funny picture. Fortunately my blinker fluid is not leaking on any of my vehicles XD
Rust free.
Yeah, the rust is free if you buy the car. No additional charge.
Why were all the 1970 Camaro’s jacked up in the rear?
Because they went faster down hill.