Santa’s Ford Ranger Flies at 2.9 Million MPH

Like the vast majority of its mass-market peers and rivals, Ford doesn’t take requests for one-off and few-off models. It’s making an exception for a particularly high-profile customer: Kris Kringle, who is better known by his pseudonym, Santa Claus. He wanted to give his reindeer a well-deserved break, so he commissioned a one-of-a-kind Ranger Raptor called North Edition that’s coming soon to a sky near you.

Developed in Australia, where folks celebrate Christmas in flip-flops, the North Edition was tailor-made to Kringle’s demanding specifications. Replacing his previous daily flier, an intricate-looking sled pulled by a nine-strong team of enigmatically flight-capable reindeer, required clearing numerous hurdles, but Ford’s Experimental Laboratory Foundation (ELF) pulled it off thanks to an obscure part of the brand’s heritage.

While the Ranger Raptor can conquer challenging terrain with ease, it’s out of its element in the sky. Ford doesn’t make airplanes, but in 1958 and 1959 it experimented with the idea of a Levacar, a hovercraft designed to hover about an inch off the ground.

ELF dusted off the system and redesigned it to give the Ranger the ability to cruise at about 60,000 feet, which Ford notes is above controlled airspace. Stealthy, isn’t it? Next, engineers developed a micro-sized rocket engine powered by candy canes to bump the Ranger’s top flight speed to approximately 2.9 million mph, which should match the performance of Kringle’s sled.

Retractable wings keep the Ranger stable. Ford also welded the doors and added a chimney-like hatch to the roof panel that gives Kringle access to the driver’s seat. Inside, the list of features includes heated hot chocolate holders and a gingerbread-enhanced SYNC infotainment system with a new navigation system.

Storage isn’t an issue: The infinity load box integrated into the bed is capable of storing enough presents for over 800 million children. When it’s time to relax after a long night of flying around the world, Kringle can bake cookies in an oven in the glovebox or cook on a barbecue added to the tailgate.

There’s no word on when Ford will fully unveil the Ranger Raptor North Edition. We may need to wait for Kringle to present it during his annual global tour that’s scheduled to start on December 24. Keep an eye out for it before the sun rises (assuming you’ve been relatively nice this year).

By the way: Ford stresses that the Ranger Raptor North Edition will enter production “sometime never.”

Happy holidays, folks!